Stop Holding Yourself Back
... and you know it.
There's something that you want to do but you're scared.
It's cool though, I get it. I feel that way almost every day. But then, that little flame reignites on my car ride into work, or when I'm out for a jog and I realize that I want to do something more. I want to speak up.
Recently, I had an EPIPHANY. I had some things that I needed to say, and I needed to speak up about them immediately. Not only for the safety of my patients, but also for my sanity. It was a typical nurse moment- an intense shift led to a scenario that I couldn't stop thinking about. I was frustrated for so many reasons.
Up until this point, I was tired of coming home feeling frustrated and defeated. My poor fiancé had to listen to me (and very graciously I might add) ramble on and on about what I would do if I could change something. I desperately needed an outlet.
So, I went into work and spoke up, not only about my frustrations but also about a solution. Surprisingly, they listened. I realized that up until that moment, I was holding myself back. I could really speak up and change things if I wanted to. I just had to muster up enough courage to do that. The end result of that scenario is what helped me take the leap to start this blog.
The Beating Heart
A few brunches back, my friend shared an unbelievable story. When she was working as a telemetry nurse a few years ago, she always talked about having an interest in the OR. Eventually she moved from a telemetry unit, to pre-op, then pacu. Now she is working as a cardiovascular surgery nurse. She recalled a moment in her CV training that she was asked to reach her hands into her patient's chest cavity, and then had to perform a cardiac massage to restart his heart. As she held his heart in her hands, the muscle twitched, and then started beating again, and she knew in that moment that she was holding the closest thing to a miracle- she was holding life in her hands.
After hearing this story, I immediately felt the seawater rise up over my vision, a softball sized lump in my throat. Her story inspired me to reach beyond what I think is possible, to take a risk and to work hard for something new with no expectations. Because of this, she experienced an unforgettable moment in her life.
You CAN experience something like that if you start taking some major leaps of faith. That CV Surgery nurse followed her own voice to that moment. She took the risk to try something new.
With that being said, stop what you're doing and do something different. Go back to school, go to a conference, subscribe to a journal- whatever you do, continue to develop yourself in some way. That small act alone could bring your passions to the surface. Try something you've wanted to try. Speak up about something that you need to say. You have nothing to lose- because you will always have a job, and there will always be a need for whatever you can contribute to this profession.